I found this book extrememly helpful and easy to read. It is based on the philosophy laid out by Tedd Tripp in Shepherding a Child's Heart but is much easier to read and better written over all.
The basic jist is that focusing on a child's outward behavior will not solve the deeper issue of sin in their hearts. It is very possible for a child to behave correctly and inwardly be in rebellion. Christ taught that God is not merely concerned with actions, but with the heart.
For example, in the Sermon on the Mount, He speaks of the well-known command "Do not murder". But He takes it a step further and tells us not only are murderers deserving of judgment, but also those who angry with someone else. Again, He addresses the command "Do not commit adultry", and He raises the bar, saying we are not only to avoid physical unfaithfulness, but also unfaithfulness in the heart in the form of lust (Matt. 5:21 ff).
So with our children, it is not enough to have mere outward obedience. Children are told not only to obey but to honor their parents in Ephesians 6. This entails both the outward action and the inward attitude.
Ginger Plowman gives excellent advice on how to teach our children to examine their hearts and see why they are acting inappropriately. For example, let's look at tattle-taling.
Johnnie tattles on Susie who just took a cookie without asking. Both kids are sinning. So Mom asks Johnnie, "Why are you telling on your sister? Do you want to see her get into trouble? Is that how we treat others?" Johnnie then can see that, yes, he was being hateful, and the issue can be resolved from the heart of the matter.
Otherwise, Mom might just say, "Johnnie, don't be a tattle-tale," and by some miracle, he may not tattle again, but he will never be taught to face his hateful selfishness. Certainly he will want to tattle again, but he was never taught that it is wrong to have this attitude.
Susie's issue is more along the lines of greed and disobedience (assuming she's been told not to get into the cookie jar), and so her problem would be addressed not simply from the fact that she took a cookie, but that it was disobedient and greedy for her to do so.
Correcting children in this way gives opportunity to show them their need for Christ. A child may go through life thinking they are pretty good and not realizing that God's standard is extremely high - higher than they could ever reach. When a child learns that God is displeased with wrong thoughts as much as He is displeased with wrong actions, they will realize how impossible it is for them to live in a way that is totally pleasing to Him. They will see their need for a Mediator, for a Savior. They will see the preciousness of what Christ did for them in providing a way for their sin to be wiped away and for Christ's perfect life to be presented before God on their own behalf.
The author of the book does a much better job at explaining all of this. The book is very well thought out and practical. She emphasises the importance of acknowledging that you are requiring obedience and right attitudes not just because it's convenient (it really takes a lot of work to teach and train kids consistently!) or it's your preference, but because God requires parents to teach their children this way (Eph. 6:4; Prov. 22:6, 15).
Other books and resources on child training I have found helpful:
- Shepherding a Child's Heart, Tedd Tripp
- Withhold Not Correction, Bruce A. Ray
- Under Loving Command: Children-Fun or Frenzy, Pat Fabrizio (a booklet, for a copy contact: books@dime.org)
- Train Up A Child, Michael Pearl
- Raising Teens in the Media Culture: Parts 1, 2, and 3, audio by Albert Mohler (http://www.albertmohler.com/audio_archive.php, listed by date: 1-08-2006, 1-15-2006 and 1-22-2006)
- Child Training, audio by Voddie Baucham (http://defendingcontending.com/2009/02/11/sermon-of-the-week-child-training-by-voddie-baucham/)
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